by Lori Deschene

Yesterday a friend of mine sent me a story on msnbc that warmed my heart.

Felicia Lettieri, a 72-year old woman from Italy, visited NYC with her family this holiday season. On Christmas Eve, she left her purse in a taxi. That accessory held $21,000 to finance her trip with 6 relatives.

Police told her not to hold out hope of getting that money back. Call it cynicism or realism in a troubled economy, but for one reason or another they assumed whoever found that purse would take the money and run.

They were wrong. The cabbie, Mukul Asaduzzaman, drove about 50 miles to a Long Island address he’d found in the purse. No one was home, so he left his phone number and a note that read:

“Don’t worry Felicia…I’ll keep it safe.”

Mukul told the N.Y. Post, “When I was 5 years old, my mother told me, ‘Be honest, work hard and you will raise your station.”

It seems to me his “station” is a lot higher than he realizes.

Just a simple reminder people are good. All you need to do to see it is stay open: open heart, open mind, open eyes.

Photo here

by Lori Deschene

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll

One day everything seems great in your world; maybe not perfect, but overall things are going to plan. And then something happens.

You lose your job. Or someone you love. Or your home. Or maybe even your health.

It isn’t fair. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t see it coming. You didn’t plan for it. You have so many feelings and frustrations you don’t know what to do first–or if you want to do anything at all.

It would be easier to sit around feeling bad. Looking for people to blame and complain to. Rehashing what you could have done to make things happen differently. Or what you would have done if you only realized before. Or what other people should have done to help you.

All great options if you want to maximize your misery and feel justified in doing it. Not so great if what you want is to deal and move on.

You have to do this eventually when something bad happens; and the faster you do it, the sooner you’ll improve your situation.

There is no shortage of opportunities to practice dealing well. If you’d like to work on improving the 90% of life that is how you respond, you may find these tips helpful:

1. Make acceptance an immediate priority.

Dealing with a bad situation can be a lot like dealing with grief–and people often go through the same stages: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, and so on.

You might not be able to fully squelch your emotions; but you can decide to accept what’s happened, regardless of how you feel about it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can act from where you are–which is the only way to change how you feel.

It’s like the quote from a recent post on getting started when you don’t feel ready: “Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take the action and your feelings will change.”

2. Remove fair from your vocabulary.

As kids we’re all about fair. “He took my train–it’s not fair.” “You said you’d buy me a new bike–it’s not fair!” “I had that crayon first–it’s not fair.”

You’d think we’d learn early on that life isn’t fair; but instead we cling to how we think things should be. Hard work should be rewarded. Kindness should be reciprocated. When things don’t work out that way, we feel angry at the world and bad for ourselves.

Feeling outraged about life’s injustices won’t change the fact that things are often random and beyond your control. When you start going on an unfair spiral, remind yourself, “It is what it is.” And then choose a reaction that aligns with the way you’d like the world to be.

Read the rest of this post at tinybuddha.com.

by Lori Deschene

The other day I saw The Blind Side with my brother and boyfriend. I was reluctant at first because I assumed it would be boring, seeing as it’s about football. I couldn’t have been more wrong–and I left with the eye liner streaks to prove it.

I don’t want to give away too much about the plot because I think you should absolutely see this movie. But you need to know the basics to get where I’m going with this post. It’s based on a true story (which I didn’t realize until the end).

Michael Oher was born in the projects of Memphis, Tennessee. The state eventually removed him from his crack addict mother, along with nearly a dozen siblings, who went separate ways. He hopped from couch to couch in foster homes until he was 16, running away every time to find and protect his mother.

With the help of a short-term foster parent, he got into a private Christian school, where teachers misinterpreted his sullen appearance and unresponsiveness to stupidity. He eventually found himself homeless again. Nowhere to go. No one who believed in him. No one to make sure he was wearing a warm jacket on a rainy night.

Until the Tuohy family drove by him, that is. That wealthy, white family helped rewrite what could have been another sad ending for a boy from the ghetto.

They took him into their home, and helped him utilize his greatest strength–his protective instincts–on the football field. His job on the offensive line was (and is) to protect the quarterback’s blind side. To help him run the ball by blocking players he can’t see coming.

Which is just what the Touhy family did for him: consider him part of their team, and then protect him as best they could.

I got all emotional watching Michael finally learn what it feels like to have people care about him. Everyone deserves that. No matter how troubled, regardless of their background. Everyone needs someone to care. read more »

by Lori Deschene

I’ve spent the last two weeks mostly disconnected from the Internet, and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time.

I made many wonderful changes in my life in 2009, but I also made things a lot more complicated than they needed to be. I filled free time with tweeting, Facebooking, surfing, IMing and textting because I wanted to feel heard and connected. I’ve since learned I can accomplish those goals better if I don’t overwhelm my free time with technology. If I do less with quality instead of doing more with a false sense of urgency.

I don’t need to read countless blog posts on an idea to get outside and apply it to my life. I don’t need to immerse myself in Twitter to understand how other people feel. I don’t need to constantly discuss getting things done with other people, as if I can only succeed if I’m single-mindedly focused.

I only need to ask myself a series of questions every morning and then act:

• What can I do today that will make me feel meaningful, fulfilled, and connected to the people around me?
• What actions will make me feel happy and peaceful in this moment, while simultaneously moving me closer to my goals?
• If I’m resistant to doing what I know I need to do, why?
• Do my goals reflect my values and true desires, or should I reevaluate?

This list of questions is my resolution. I can’t imagine better gifts to give myself than confidence in my ability to get where I’m going and permission to enjoy right now.

Wishing you the same start to 2010!

Photo by Crafty Goat

I found this short video during my routine search of all things uplifting. It’s just a minute long, yet it got me slightly teary eyed. Such a great reminder that greatness starts with simply trying; that we can make a difference by simply believing in people–and ourselves.

To Read:

Before you head on your merry way, you may enjoy reading my latest post over at tinybuddha.com about the holiday classic It’s a Wonderful Life:

10 Tips: Balance Self Interest and Sacrifice for a Wonderful Life

To Celebrate:

Congratulations to commenter # 25, Rondah! (Who goes by @zachsgan1 on Twitter.) Randomizer.org chose your comment as the winner of the Mineral Makeup giveaway! I will email you shortly to get your address for Chandi.

by Lori Deschene

A challenging economy presents the perfect opportunity to strike out on your own and create something meaningful to you. Just like the entrepreneurs video says:

“Right now it’s hard to see when our view is cluttered with obstacles, but turbulence creates opportunities for success.”

Instead of seeing your unmet needs as liabilities, why not use necessity as inspiration for innovation?

Chandi Plank did just that in 2004 when she started Mineral Basics.

Growing up, Chandi had horrible acne with inflamed skin, oiliness, and flaking. As you can imagine, this affected her self esteem. It’s hard to exude confidence when you feel self conscious of your appearance–and kids often feel that way regardless.

Most foundations  made the problem worse, leaving her skin looking streaky and orange. Chemicals aren’t gentle on any skin types, but they’re particularly harsh on sensitive, acne-prone faces.

In college Chandi tried a big-name mineral makeup, and loved the idea. The finely ground power buffs neatly into the skin for a smooth, light finish–and it’s less irritating than alternative foundations because it doesn’t contain preservatives or fillers.

But Chandi couldn’t find a mineral variety that covered her blemishes; and all the ones she tried left her skin looking shiny.

So she made her own mineral makeup–one that would conceal her problem areas, and stay light and natural throughout the day. She started by listing a few products on eBay and learned there was a huge demand for natural products. read more »

by Lori Deschene

As many of you know, I spent the last two months aggressively promoting myself to become the SAM-e.com “Good Mood Blogger.” I was the runner up with just over 57,000 votes because of you; and according to the judges, I was a top contender to win. But I didn’t.

Brigitte Dale, who took first place with the votes, won the job. She ran a strong campaign, and I wish her the best of luck.

Though I clearly wanted this opportunity with all my heart, I’m at peace with the way things worked out. I got a lot from this experience, both professionally and personally. I’ll spare you the play-by-play since it’s more meaningful to me than relevant to you.

But there is one gain I’d like to share: thanks to the “Good Mood Blogger” contest I learned about 19 writers, 9 of whom provided the links to their blogs.

It’s clear to me that all the finalists make a real difference in people’s lives.

They motivate others every day by sharing themselves and their unique perspectives on the world. They’re brave people who have overcome odds, and used their experiences to make the world a better place than they found it.

I’m pleased to introduce them to you:

read more »

by Lori Deschene

I recently had an experience where I felt adamantly right–meaning someone else was completely wrong. So wrong I told my boyfriend about it. And then told my mother about it. And wrote in my journal about it. (Kind of like I did during Netgeargate.)

I even wrote a first draft of this post that started with details about what happened.

I’ve since realized it doesn’t matter whether I was right or not. What matters is finding a resolution; and it’s really hard to do that when you’re caught in feelings and the blame game. Fuming over someone else being wrong is being wrong to yourself.

This isn’t a new lesson. I’ve learned this one many times over. And yet I repeatedly need to relearn it. In the moment–when I feel hurt, annoyed, or disrespected–mentally shaming the person who wronged me feels comforting.

Here’s what I’ve been telling myself to stop blaming and start resolving: read more »

I recently wrote a blog post about Melissa Gilbert who makes beautiful handmade soaps.

I was inspired by her story of passion, strength, and creativty in the midst of adversity; and I was so excited to get her story in front of readers that I decided to buy a couple of her products for a giveaway.

That post attracted quite a bit of attention, which got me thinking: I’d love to do more of these!

We live in a consumer society, where there’s always something new to buy, necessity or otherwise. I’d far prefer to buy from people who motivate and inspire me. And judging from the comments on Michelle’s post, you the readers, agree.

I don’t have the means to buy products from lots of people to give away. So here’s what I’m thinking: read more »

I learned about Shiloh Pepin–one of only three people in the world with mermaid syndrome–last year. She was an amazing little person with a huge passion for life, who left the world far too young at 10 years old. If you’re around on Sunday night at 8:00 EST, you may want to check out TLC’s special honoring her memory. I know I’ll be watching.

Wise words from a beautiful soul:

“You’ll never know unless you try.”

“Just because we’re different doesn’t mean we can’t be smart.”

“Who you are inside is what makes you a star.”